The Pirate Reviewer's Lair

All new reviews go on my other blog from now on: http://www.thepiratereviewersblog.blogspot.com

Here's the... well... not so long expected, as nobody visits this damn site... Sherlock Holmes review. Yeah, THE Sherlock Holmes released on Christmas Day in cinemas and approximately three weeks later on the internet with a bearable quality. I can say this movie did not make a good impression upon myself. First of all, the story, which manages to be quite catchy, tends to be rather Jules Verne-ian towards the beginning (you'll see what I mean). Then, the characters are definelty waay more American than British. The only british figure I noticed (maybe there's another one, don't know, never really paid attention at anything in this movie), is Jude Law, playing Dr. Watson. I could clearly notice Robert Downey Jr struggle to obtain a slight british accent... shame... he would've made a good Holmes in another life! The most remarkable thing about this movie are the flashbacks which show Sherlock's attacking strategy before he fights someone. The fact that Irene Adler has a certain role here, just turns the whole thing in a god damn cliffhanger. I appreciate the intention to create a different Holmes, but director Guy Ritchie based his film on what audience (and by audience I mean those idiots who only care for great effects, 3D, HD, this kind of stuff) wants. Of course, I never said that special effects were a bad thing, but there are certain films which are just made to be plain and simple.

Now, seriously, before starting to call me Mr. Caveman, consider and analyse the fact that Holmes used to be a solitary detective who usually investigated cases and solved them with a little amount of detail being given to the public until the final explanation. Also, he was never into women, especially not into Irene Adler. As far as I know, Irene Adler got married at the end of "A Scandal In Bohemia" and that was the last we heard of her... until this movie was released!

OK, onto the shitty parts now. Before anything else, I want to state IN CAPITALS, THAT I AM TRULY DISAPPOINTED OF HANS ZIMMER! Because the soundtrack he composed for this movie is so very fake! He's so imitating Goran Bregovic! Gipsy music is not my ideea of SHERLOCK HOLMES! Jeez, this guy used to compose such good soundtracks... check out the Pirates of The Carribean OST for example. And there are others as good... but one thing is certain! Sherlock Holmes OST is not among them! Imagine my thoughts when I found out Hans Zimmer composed the soundtrack for Sherlock Holmes (before seing the film itself)! I googled it immediately (Sherlock Holmes Hans Zimmer OST Torrent) and downloaded and played it. God, it was awful! I swear I won't repeat the experince! At least not without ear plugs ready to use!

Finally, last but not least, I gotta give it a plus for effects. It does have a lot of them. I liked the scene where Holmes drops into the Thames from the fourth floor or sth like that.

And ABOVE all the stuff I mentioned above, they're gonna make a sequel! Yeah, you heard well! There's going to be a fucking sequel to this load of rubbish! Apparenly the second movie will feature professor Moriarty who <ehm, no spoilers here, so no more plot revealed, sorry!> and thus Holmes has to chase him. Rumors say the role of Professor Moriarty will be taken by Brad Pitt who already had an offer from the producers. Yeah, it's possible as Moriarty's face was not shown during the movie at all.

Final marks:

Story: 8/10

Acting: 7/10

Effects: 9/10

Soundtrack: 3/10

Overall: 6,7/10

Ok, here it is, a lot later than scheduled, but what the hell, it IS here, right? So I'm a lazy bastard. Live with it!

Now, on to the review.

House M.D is an american medical drama series, produced by David Shore for the FOX network. It's first season debuted in 2004 and had a great audience, as House was something new at the time. It features a selfish, arrogant doctor, named Gregory House, who is the head of an unusual hospital department: the diagnosis department, made specially for him, as he is a genius and always figures out what his patients suffer from. Also, House is cripple and therefore needs a cane in order to walk. He has a team formed out of three other doctors: Foreman, Chase and Cameron (in the first three seasons), and then out of four or more starting from season 4. 

In each episode, another patient (or patients in some episodes) is brought to House, and then he and his team start working on the case. Obviously, House sits and thinks, while his team does the hard work. Yeah, and House always finds the opportunity to make fun of  his employees, without caring that he might hurt them. The hospital director, Dr. Lisa Cuddy, is House's boss and also his obsession. In the previous seasons, Cuddy and House always give a hard time to each other. Dr. Cuddy sends him to work at the Clinic, knowing that House hates people. In response, House invents different pranks to make her get angry.

At the end of each season a significant event happens: season one ends with House telling his story (how he ended up walking in a cane), and curing his ex-wife's husband. The ex-wife story arc continues in season 2, where House nearly manages to get her to split up from her husband and return to him. At the end of the same season, House gets shot and has an illusion, in which he finds out of a remedy that might help him walk normally again. He suggests the remedy to the doctors who operate him, in a little moment of consciousness when carried to the surgery room. Therefore, he is given that remedy, causing him to be able to walk normally and even run in the first few episodes of season 3. In this season, House ends up sued by some cop he made fun of while consulting him at the clinic, and then, at the end of the season, he manages to lose his whole team. One of them gets fired and the other two resign. In the fist episode of season 4 he tries to solve a case on his own, but in the end Cuddy makes him form a team. A few more characters appear during this season, aiming for a place in House's team: Kutner, Taub, Thirteen (selected in the end) and Amber (who gets the nickname of "Cutthroat Bitch" given to her by House because she was playing dirty to get a place on the team), who eventually is fired. At the end of the season, Amber becomes Wilson's (House's best friend, shame on me, I forgot to mention that!) girlfriend. In the finale, she and House are involved in a bus accident and eventually she dies in Wilson's arms. 

In season 5, House is beginning to have numberous illusions, the culminating moment being when Kutner, one of the guys on his team, commits suicide. At that point he becomes totally disturbed and his hallucinations make him believe he had sex with Cuddy. After yelling out loud about it and finding out it wasn't actually true, House goes to a Psychiatric Clinic on his own, admitting he has problems.

The first episode of season 6 is a double episode, showing House's final days in the Psych Clinic, his attempts to escape and, finally, his transformation. In this season, the team suffers a few changes, and at some point, his old team gets restored, Foreman, Chase and Cameron forming House's team at least for a few episodes. Where the show left in the moment I'm writing, the team is formed out of four people: Foreman, Chase, Thirteen and Taub. That's all about the story, I don't want to spoil everything, as some of you might want to watch the show.

Overall it's a great show. I can't imagine a doctor like House existing in reality, as no hospital would hire him (actually only Cuddy accepted to hire House in the series too, so I guess... ). The story is very well made, as every episode shows both a patient being cured or dying and some background story, exploiting the main characters' lives. If you ask me, it's worh watching this show, believe it, you'll definetly like it if you're into this kind of series\movies.

A lot of people compare this to Grey's Anatomy. Well, what can I say about that?! Everybody likes whatever they like, can't change anyone's mind, can I? But if anyone dares saying Grey's Fucknatomy is better than House, than that person is definetly an idiot. I mean, it's not that the show is bad, but House beats it at all categories. Sorry Grey's fans, but House rocks and Grey's Anatomy (long freakin' name) sucks! OK, let's admit it. Maybe if I actually bothered watching Grey's Anatomy, I would have known more about it and not state that it sucks. But it does lack House, right? So as a medical drama it's not worth it.

OK, so my marks for this show are:

- Story: 9/10

- Acting: 10/10 (and a big thank you to Hugh Laurie for being awesome in this role)

- Soundtrack: 10/10 (great theme, that Massive Attack intro, even though in Europe they had to change it to a piece of shit intro!)

- Overall: 10\10

Just to mention something, this show HAS A MINUS too, and believe me it's a big FUCKING MINUS! The air dates are totally fucked up. After it's been into Holidays break for over a month, they released an episode last monday, and the next one is only scheduled to air NEXT monday.. two weeks break after a month break... really inspired, assholes! I hate FOX's airing schedule! And they have other gaps during the series, with similar waiting times. Or there's a two weeks wait for an episode, then the episode airs, and then two more weeks of break. I mean, I wouldn't have anything againt this if they actually released a special episode or something alike, but instead they air a regular episode right after a two weeks break. Why the fuck can't they air the episodes normally? Like 1 episode per week! Damn! 

Except for this major problem, the show's a hit and it gets a lot of viewers, but it's probably going to end with season 7, as Hugh Laurie announced his intention of leaving the show in the near future.

All right, that's all for now, this review got a bit longer than regular, because I reviewed a TV show during it, but I think the next one will be shorter, as it will be a movie review.

Ok, this time my review is going to be a bit different, as I won't be talking about a particular movie, but about a TV series that contains more episodes.

I'm talking about Prison Break this time, and the first thing that comes in mind about it is "heck, this is the best series ever made!". That's my opinion, I hope you share it, otherwise I will ban you from my site.

Anyway, the series starts off with Michael Scofield getting himself arrested and placed in Fox River penitentiary where Lincoln Burrows, his brother, is held captive, waiting for his execution for a crime he did not commit. The whole first season is about Scofield's plan to break his brother out and the inmates that are going to be named the Fox River 8 after they escape in the season finale.

Season 2 shows the Fox River 8 running away from the law, represented by special agent Alexander Mahone. During the season, our heroes are hunting for D.B. Cooper's money, and after that struggle to survive on their way to Panama. At the end of the season, the whole conspiracy against Scofield and Burrows ends, and they are exonerated. Unfortunately, because he killed a man on Panamese land, Michael is send to Sona, a mad prison, where inmates took control and the guards left, staying outside the walls, in towers. Season 3 is about Michael's attempts to escape Sona with a certain guy, called Whistler, in order to rescue Lincoln's son and Sara, his lover, which were kidnapped by The Company. Even though he is told Sara is dead, Michael goes on with the plan in order to save LJ (Lincoln Junior). The final season didn't get as many views as the previous three, mainly because it has nothing to do with prisons. No, in fact it's all about Michael and Lincoln having a team settled up in order to find Scylla, the only thing that can take down The Company. Things get more twisted up when, in the last few episodes of the season, Christina Scofield, Michael's supposedly dead mother, enters the scene. One of the main characters dies in this series, and the explanation to it's death is given in the full feature movie, "Prison Break - The Final Break", airing immediately after the main series end.

Overall this show had me staying in front of my PC monitor for hours just to see the next episode and then the next one... I even liked season four too, even though not as much as I liked the others (season 1 the best!!!). Anyways,  it would've been terrible for me to watch this show WHEN it actually aired. I don't know how would I have waited for the next episode to air!!! I saw it after it concluded, last summer.

As far as I know from the internet, this show was, at first, refused by FOX, the producers thinking the story fits for a movie not for a series, but then they reconsidered, and that, I should say, was the best decision they ever made. The ratings were immense and the profits were reaching the expectations and even more than that.

My final marks:

-> Story: 10/10

-> Acting: 10/10

-> Soundtrack: 10/10

-> Effects: 9/10

-> Overall: 10/10

http://www.avatarmovie.com/index.html - Official site.

This is The Pirate Reviewer signing in for his first ever review! Today I'll talk about Avatar a bit. I've seen it and I'm ready to tear it to pieces! And by that I mean analyze it.

First of all, there's to be noted that this is James Cameron's first movie after Titanic, and it is told to be the most expensive movie ever made. Well, that's bad news for the producers, because from what I heard, they didn't quite recover their expenses. I don't want to say the movie is bad, no, not at all. The point is, people didn't exacty fight their way into theaters to see this one even though it was highly expected. At least until the day it appeared that is.

Now, this wasn't really a disappointment to me, but my only regret is I didn't get to see it in 3D and seing it the normal way doesn't exactly feel the same. I mean, I tried to watch a CAM on my PC... no fucking way! This deserves more than a simple CAM. Darn, if I had IMAX in my town I'd surely go and see this in 3D. It's worth it. It has some amazing special effects that will make you feel like you're actually there.

About the plot, I can tell you from the first moment I saw this I knew they were totally against war. The movie is set in a future far away from today. A former marine, Jake Sully, who is now in a wheelchair (paraplegic I guess). He took his brother's place (who was the family scientist) in a mission after the guy got killed. So the movie starts with Jake being woken up after he had been cryogenised (don't know if I spelled that one right, I'm not english, so it's most likely I'll make mistakes like that now and then), and briefed in. He is on Pandora, a world far away from the one he knew. The planet is populated by the Na'Vi, a humanoid race with their own race and culture. As the plot advances, we find Sully in an Avatar - a mind controlled body that look just like Pandora's inhabitants. Using the Avatar, Jake Sully gets to integrate into the Na'Vi's world and learn their culture. Eventually he realizes that humans only try to destroy the Na'Vi village because it's sitting on a mine full of some precious alien stone or something. Jake falls in love with Neytiri, the Na'Vi princess (or that's what I understood, correct me if I'm wrong), while Colonel Miles Quaritch (brilliantly played by Stephen Lang) goes on with his plan to exterminate the Na'Vi to show them who's boss. Then Jake Sully allies with the Na'Vi and the battle begins. The finale... well, let's not spoil everything , maybe some people still want to see this movie.  

During the whole movie, the writers made sure to remember us that people carry on wars which are not good. Yeah, that's kinda the whole message of the movie: war sucks!

Overall the movie's not bad at all, despite some people say the contrary. I think it's well worth your money and 2 and a half hours of your life. 

My final marks:

Acting: 10\10

Story: 8\10

Effects: 9\10

Overall: 9\10